Kenneth:  This is liiiiiiive, with Kenneth the Hip Bug.  The main attraction of our show today is Ralph the Roach.  So Ralph, whatís the deal with you little pests running around on the kitchen floor. 

Ralph:  First of all, we are not pests.  In fact, we are very rarely out of the dark place that we in almost all day live in.  Half of the time, many of the people donít even know what we are, all they know is that it is a bug that they need to get rid of. 

Kenneth:  Why should people care about what they smash.  You cockroaches have almost no use in this world. 

Ralph:  They should care about what they smash because we help all of the humans in a lot of ways.  We clean up your floors when they have crumbs on them, and we eat things that you wouldnít even have a thought about eating. 

Kenneth:  Do some of you cockroach friends have different taste? 

Ralph:  In fact, many cockroaches like the same thing.  Which is trash, crumbs, and things like that. 

Kenneth:   So how did get here since you are what humans call a...Giant Madagascar hissing cockroach? 
Ralph:  Well, when humans where discovering the ìNew Worldî my great-great-great-great-great-etc. grandfather and grandmother hitched a ride aboard wooden ship (since slaves where transported back then) and went all the way to America. 

Kenneth:  Sounds like a bunch of hitch-hikers to me. 

Ralph:  They werenít hitch-hikers though.  That is how all of the Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches got here, otherwise known as Gromphadorhina portentosa.  Donít ask me how to pronounce it.  Many of the captains even knew that we were on the ship because we are almost 3-inches long, and we have red stripes with a brown body with a black head. 

Kenneth:  Thatís is quite a mouth full, wow.  If you stand out so much, how do you stay alive? 

Ralph:  We stay alive because we are almost indestructible.  We can survive freezing for 2 days.  We can even stay alive for 3 months without a crumb of food.  We can also survive through about 100 times the radiation dose that would kill any human. 
Kenneth:  Well that is quite incredible since I find cockroaches on the Sports section.  Oh, on the Men in Black...  Iím sorry.  Hey who is that guy thatís crawling toward us? 

Ralph:    Oh, thatís my cousin.  Heís oriental so he doesnít speak English that well. 

Roland:  Iím Ralphís cousin and he was just playing when he said I canít speak English that well.  I donít even know why ìtheyî call me oriental.  I will give you some facts for divine search for knowledge.  My scientific name is Blatta orientalis.  Easier than my cousins ìotherî name as he calls it. 

Ralph:  I do not! 

Roland:   Okay okay.  Well letís see here...  I usually dwell in fairly damp places and like my cousin here I stay away from the light.  I measure 1 1/4 inches long.  My exoskeleton color is shiny, brownish-black.  Wings are short in a female and absent in the males. 
Kenneth:  Well, that's all the time we have for today.