Nikita clearly and logically explains a process that he has researched well. His main challenge has been to transform a set of procedures into an explanation by focusing on use of passive voice. He has largely succeeded in this.
The teacher began to explore the forms and features of explanation writing by modelling on a topic he thought would fascinate them &endash; "How Do You Get Smelly Feet?". He and the students got their information from Icky Sticky Body, a book of explanations by Suzy Cato. In his modelling, he focused on:
• developing an engaging introduction
• importance of sequence and sequence words
• using passive voice
• using present tense for actions or conditions that occur regularly
• topic-related vocabulary.
From this initial work, he developed a template for "explanation writing" with the class.
He reinforced these concepts of explanation writing by getting his students to refer to a School Journal article, "How To Freak Your Mother Out With a Dinosaur" (3.3.92). From this initial work, he developed a template for explanation writing with the class.
The students then attempted and shared their own explanations of the "Smelly Feet" topic, often adding elements of personal flavour!
The teacher then moved the students on to another topic, "How Do You Make a Hangi?" He selected this topic because he realised that:
• it linked with an upcoming study on "Healthy Foods"
• many students had had personal experiences with the topic
• it involved a clear set of procedures
• it offered potential for rich language.
The students began by identifying the key vocabulary and brainstorming the procedures that should be followed in making a hangi. They incorporated this information into a flowchart and checked it, through shared reading, against the text of "Hangi", by Trish Puharich.
They began to draft their explanations against their criteria and flowchart. In stages, they all wrote and then peer-reviewed the main sections:
• introduction
• the first three steps of the process
• the final steps
• conclusion.
The teacher's biggest challenge was to move the students away from "a set of instructions or procedures" to "an explanation", which many students found difficult. To do this, he modelled and instructed them to identify any "bossy language" and replace it with "softer language", for instance replacing phrases like "You remove ..." and "You lay ..." with phrases that include the words "is", "are", "can". This was his approach to teaching passive voice.
Teacher-student conversations
As the teacher was very pleased with the progress that Nikita was making in his use of passive voice, he decided to focus on some of the "grammatical challenges" Nikita was facing as he began to experiment with longer or more complex sentences, such as "The rocks are added on preferably volcanic ones or else normal rocks will explode".
Teacher: I see that you've crossed out "or else" and ticked it again. Why's that?
Nikita: It sounds better with "or else".
Teacher: I agree. But I think you've still got to work on that sentence. For instance, what sort of punctuation could you put into it to make it clearer to the reader?
Nikita: Um, maybe commas or brackets. Maybe I could even cross some words out.
Teacher:Have a go at it.
In his second draft Nikita experimented with brackets around "preferably volcanic ones".
To move Nikita towards the next learning point, the teacher could help him to focus on:
• Structure
• Language features - ensuring more consistent use of passive voice and present tense for actions or conditions occurring frequently.
• Grammar - continuing to check sentence structures for clarity of meaning.
The teacher could do this by:
• modelling of writing using these strategies, and discussion about the process
• exploring models of writing that exemplify the strategies which need to be developed
• giving feedback against the criteria that have been set with Nikita, particularly on the need for editing and revision.