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1. ARE YOU A REAL PERSON?
Yes.
2. IS "LEMONY SNICKET" YOUR PEN
NAME?
No. My pen's name is Alphonse.
3. WHERE DID YOU GET THE IDEA FOR A
SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS?
By carefully researching the lives of the
Baudelaire orphans.
4. ARE THE STORIES REAL?
The stories are as real as I am.
5. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE
BAUDELAIRE CHILDREN NEXT?
I cannot bear to tell you.
6. WHEN WILL THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS APPEAR IN
BOOKSTORES?
Hopefully never. Although I have sworn to
research every last detail of the
miserable lives of the Baudelaires, I
cannot imagine why booksellers would want
to place these wretched tales on their
shelves. In fact, to my horror,
booksellers will be only too glad to tell
you when the next installment will
arrive.
7. HOW MANY INSTALLMENTS WILL THERE
BE IN A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE
EVENTS?
Early research indicates that the story
will be contained in thirteen volumes.
8. IS COUNT OLAF STILL AT
LARGE?
What a dreadful question. Unfortunately
the answer is just as dreadful. In fact it
is so dreadful I can only answer it in
Spanish: SÌ.
9. WHO IS BEATRICE?
That is the most dreadful question of all,
and the answer is so terrible that I
cannot even begin to say it without
weeping. O Beatrice! My Beatrice!
10. THERE, THERE. I'M VERY SORRY. I
DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU. WOULD YOU LIKE A
CUP OF TEA?
If it's not too much trouble.
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