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Andy Griffiths - examples of his writing
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 Some of the books he has written

 

Here are some examples of his stories - have a look and see if you would like his books ...

BANDAID

"It must be done.
I can't put it off any longer.
And it's going to be done now.
The tweezers are ready.
I turn the tap off.
I brace myself.
I slide the points of the tweezers under the gummy edge of the bandaid. And start pulling ... AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! @%*!!!!!!!@ @##**@ OUCH!! $!$%#%#$% @@ EEEEEEK!! #!!!!*!!!!! !!@@##**@ # YOW!! %&^%# #@!!!#@# $!$%#%#$%@ @#!!!!*!!!!!!!@ @##**@#!%&^%# #@!!!#@#$!$ %#%#$%@@#!!!! *!!!!!!!@ @##**@# AAAGGGGHHH!!! %&^%##@!!!# @#$!$%#%# $%@@#!!!!*!!!!! !!@@##**@#!%&^%# #@!!!#@#$!$ %#%#$% GRRRRRR!!! M@@#!!!!*!!! !!!!@@##**@#!%&^%# #@!!!#@#$!$ OOOCH! %#%#$%@@ #!!!!*!!!!!! !@@##** @#!%&^%##@!!!# OUOIU!!!! @#!!!!*!!!!!!!@@ ##**@#!%&^%# #@!!!#@#$!$%# %#$%@ @#!!!! AAAGGGHHHH!!!

I have to stop.
It's the worst pain ever.
It's the worst pain in the history of worst pains.
And I've only peeled off one and half millimetres. I've still got another sixty-eight and a half millimetres to go.
Maybe fast is not the answer.
But neither is slow.
I can't leave it on.
But I can't peel it off.
To peel or not to peel?
That is the question."

 

RUBBISH

I clutch my duck. The bin tips upside down and we are dumped into the back of the truck with all the other rubbish.

The stink!

The stench!

The horror!

This has got to be the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me.

I'm being churned around with all the rubbish. I try to scream but I get a mouthful of used tissues. Everything is a blur as bin after bin of fresh rotting rubbish is dumped on top of me.

Mouldy vegetables, putrid fish and disposable nappies ... I come face to face with a dead cat, but only for a moment--the churning just won't stop. Every time I catch my breath and work my way to the top of the pile a new bin load knocks me down and the churning continues.

I've got to get out of here!

 

MUDMEN

I'm naked.

I'm shivering.

I'm bashing on the back door as hard as I can.

'Dad!' I yell. 'Dad! Let me in!'

I grab the door handle and push down with all my strength, but it's no use.

I must have forgotten to put the safety catch on the deadlock. What now? There's no other way into the house. All the windows are barred and the front door has an even stronger deadlock than the back door.

It's not my fault I'm out here with no clothes on.

It's Sooty's fault. He's gone crazy.

I came out to get my school uniform off the clothesline, but it wasn't on the clothesline. It was all over the backyard. In shreds. The shreds were covered in mud--and so was Sooty. And while I was yelling at him, he stole the towel I had around my waist, ran under the porch and started ripping it to shreds as well. I'd rip him to shreds if I was small enough to get under there.

'Dad!' I yell. 'Please open the door! I'm freezing!'

 

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